28 January 2008

Life changing moments.

In 3 more sleeps, my world is about to change forever.

My litle girl is starting school.

Holy crap. Surely she's too little? Isn't she just a baby still? We had orginally planned for Ayesh to do 4 year old kinder again but she has grown up and changed so much over the last couple of months we have changed our minds and off to school she goes and I am petrified. And horribly excited for her! And scared.

My mind is full of "what if's"

What if she hates it? What if she can't find anyone to play with, or other kids won't let her play with them. What if she can't do something, will anyone notice? Will anyone help? What if she gets picked on, will she be able to stand up for herself? Have I done too much for her over the last 4 years she has been alive, have I taught her how to survive? Taught her how to be nice to others and accepting of everyone, that its important to use manners and be kind to people. What if she is the child that no-one likes? What if I havent taught her enough, havent read enough or practiced her letters enough. Have I taught her enough about how the world around us soimetimes isn't that nice, that other people sometimes aren't nice. I've always been there to protect her, to make her feel safe and loved and special. Who's going to do that now? Will her teacher be able to see that she is scared or upset when she has so many other children to look out for?

Its so hard, so hard to let go, let Ayesh into this world without me there to hold her hand and to guide her. She's on her own now, time for her to grow and really become the person she is meant to be, by herself. Discover what her strengths and weaknesses are, learn how to deal with situations herself. To learn to read and write, discover that there is a whole lot of world out there that she hasn't ever realised existed.

And she is so ready its not funny, she is absolutely bursting with excitement and can't wait. We have been counting down the days for a while and as its getting closer and closer, the buzzes even more.

Im so excited for her like I said, but I am also so very very sad. I am going to miss my little girl like crazy, im going to miss having our funny little chats throughout the day, miss hearing her play, being a part of her crazy games. Im going to miss all the cuddles, holding hands, going for milkshakes together, laughing, dancing to daggy music, having girly days, playing in the park, miss having lunch together, going shopping together.

Im going to miss having my little friend with me all day.

But I can't wait at the same time to watch her grow, be there to hear all she has learnt for the day, what exciting adventures her and her friends got up to in the playground and how she can't wait for it all to happen again the next day.

Theres going to be tears in 3 more sleeps.

And scared, but oh so proud smiles.


Anita said...

Oh my dear - I can only imagine what you have been going through! I'll have to remember to read this again in 12mths time when it's my turn. I know you have done the best job and she'll have a wonderful experience at school.

keelysmum said...

Kirsty, that blog was very very special and I must admit I had a tear in my eye. You wrote it perfectly. Aeysha is very lucky to have a mummy like you. As the other comment said, I will have to remember to read this when Keely starts school next year. Fab writing. xxxx Steph

Dani said...

Oh stop! You're making me panic a year in advance.
She'll be fine you know, you've done a wonderful job and she's a fabulous girl.